Neurodiversity-Affirming Counselling
When somebody asks me what I do for a living, I say counsellor or therapist. If they ask what kind of counsellor or therapist, I say a neurodiversity-affirming counsellor, or I specialize in neurodivergence. That is not to say that I am an expert in all things neurodivergence, especially given how individualized people's experiences are, but more that I support individuals who identify as neurodivergent to be their best selves, and I do not see their neurodivergence as something that needs to be fixed or changed. Yet, being neurodiversity-affirming is much more than this quick elevator pitch style response can cover, so I thought I would put together this post to go into a bit more detail.
One of your first questions might even be “What the heck is neurodiversity?” which is a fair first question after all. In short, the word is the combination of “neuro” meaning nerve and nervous system, aka brain+, and “diversity” meaning variety. However, as with many things in life, it is a bit more complicated than that. Neurodiversity is not a medical term, nor a diagnostic term, so a definitive definition is hard to come by. However, one of my favourite ways I’ve seen the term described is by Thomas Armstrong (He/Him) in his book The Power of Neurodiversity. In this book Armstrong compares neurodiversity with biodiversity. Just as nature is made up of many different flowers, our brains are made up of many different ways of thinking and experiencing the world around us. So whilst it might seem that there is a “normal” way of being, it is important to recognize that this is not the only way of being. In fact, this so-called “normal” is referred to as typical, or neurotypical. Neurodivergence therefore became an umbrella term covering all the neurological conditions that make us a diverse species on the neurological level, diverging from the typical. The most commonly cited of which are Autism, ADHD/ADD, Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, Dyscalculia, and Tourette's Syndrome.
Now that we have an idea of what neurodivergence is, your next question might be what does it mean for counselling to be neurodiversity-affirming? To be neurodiversity-affirming is to accept clients as they are, accept that they are the experts on their experiences, and to hold a space where clients can be themselves and not feel that how and who they are is something that needs to be fixed or sorted. It is to understand the ups and downs of being neurodivergent, how neurodivergence impacts day-to-day living, and provide a space where being yourself is not judged but supported.
I have found that working in this way supports everybody, but in particular, offers a space that many neurodivergent people don't often have access to in their day-to-day lives. This is the way that I have been working for a long time, and when I noticed how well it worked for my neurodivergent clients, I made an active effort to support and grow this aspect of my practice. For many neurodivergent individuals, myself included, we experience people telling us the so-called “right way to be” and this makes it a real struggle to feel part of things, and therefore I wanted to avoid anybody feeling like that in the therapy room. Most people, after all, do not go to therapy to be told how to live their lives, but rather to be supported in aspects of life they are finding difficult or overwhelming. There can be risks involved for neurodivergent individuals when it comes to therapy that is not neurodiversity-affirming. Unfortunately, many traditional therapies are not inherently neurodiversity-affirming, especially those aligned with the medical model, as these, can assume that neurodivergence is something to be treated and fixed. From my experience, I typically find when talking with other therapists, who do not consider themselves neurodiversity-affirming, that they fall into one of three ways of working.
The first way of working is the most harmful and that is the correct and fix the behaviours that are considered “not normal” approach. Whilst not always coming from an ill intent this approach can make neurodivergent people view themselves in a really negative light, it can also make people feel that they cannot have behaviours that are soothing behaviours because they are considered “not normal”. This approach can also reinforce ways of masking for many individuals, in turn adding stress and struggle.
The second way of working involves working in an affirming way with no understanding of neurodiversity. This can look a lot like neurodiversity-affirming therapy as it supports the client to be the expert of their experience and to be comfortable with who they are etc. The downside is that the lack of awareness of neurodivergence can make the session feel awkward or clunky, and a lot of understanding can be missing as the therapist's experience might clash with certain behaviours or ways of understanding. Often in these situations, I find the client has to do a lot of the educating of their neurodivergence for the therapist, and it can feel that you are paying somebody to teach them about neurodiversity.
Lastly, the third way of working is the toxic positivity method. This is the idea that we cannot be remotely negative when it comes to neurodivergence and that we have to focus on the strengths or superpowers. Whilst this can sometimes be nice, and even helpful, not addressing the struggles feels less like therapy and more like cheerleading. We all need cheerleaders, but we also need people to talk to about the hard parts of life, and neurodivergence can certainly throw plenty of those at us.
All in all, I am not saying you need a neurodiversity-affirming counsellor if you are neurodivergent, but it can make a big difference. The most important factor in finding the right therapist is finding somebody who you feel you can be yourself with, who you can be vulnerable but safe with, and somebody who supports you to be who you are. Always know that it is okay to change therapists if they do not feel like the right fit for your needs.