Hikikomori

Hikikomori is a Japanese term meaning pulling inward. It is a term used to describe those who are extremely socially withdrawn, or isolated. Whilst typically used for people who never leave their homes, and do not socialize at all with the outside world, I want to look at that more direct meaning of pulling inwards, that initial social withdrawal that many people feel.

Isolation or loneliness might seem straightforward as a physical separation or distance between one person and others, but like most feelings, it is far more complex than that. The three biggest types of loneliness identified in literature and research are Emotional Loneliness, Existential Loneliness, and Social Loneliness. Emotional Loneliness is recognized as the absence of meaningful emotional connections. Existential Loneliness is a feeling of separation between you and others, a feeling that you do not connect with those around you or the wider world. Social Loneliness is perhaps the easiest to understand, as it is the lack of quality social connection.

So why have I taken the time to write a brief explanation of isolation and loneliness? Well, much like my emotional exploration series, having knowledge about something is a form of power, a power we can wield to make change. Loneliness and isolation can have a big impact on our health, both physical and mental. It leads to us feeling less confident, getting worse sleep, being more stressed, and generally struggling much more with everyday life. I see and hear about loneliness and isolation a lot in my work and wanted to take a brief opportunity to talk about it, highlight its impacts, and make people slightly more aware of it.

So what do you do if you find yourself reading this and realizing that this describes you or somebody you know? Put simply, start talking to people, we live in an evermore digital and disconnected world, so talking to people we see is important to maintain some form of interconnectedness, it is a simple and small first step. Put less simply, connections with others come in many different forms, be it re-establishing old connections or making new ones. As somebody who has moved a lot, I know first hand how hard it can be making friends as an adult, but I also have some tips and tricks to achieving this. Reconnection, or maintaining connections, with friends can make a big difference, sending a text checking in on how they are doing can be a great way to start a conversation and catch-up. Making connections with new people can be hard, but having a common interest is an easy way to start getting to know others. A quick, and easy, way to work out who shares an interest with you is joining a group or club of people who share that interest, and the joy of this option is even if you don't end up talking with anybody, you get a chance to do something you know you enjoy. 

So whilst the term Hikikomori may be used almost exclusively in Japan, the concept is not unfamiliar here in the UK. Due to the brevity of this post, I cannot explore the depth and complexity of loneliness and isolation here in the UK. Yet if you find yourself connecting with this, and the suggested steps toward change are too much or seem overwhelming, then I would strongly recommend a support group or one-to-one therapy, these may support you to move forward to the bigger steps ahead.